It was the winter of '97 that I spent the first night alone with my Dad and my brother, who was then age 5. It was a Friday night and we had gone to his from school. It was exciting and intimidating knowing I was staying in a new house. It was a new experience for me, a new chapter in my life. I was slightly apprehensive on the way to my Dad's in the car and these feelings took over me as I took my first step into my Dad's house. I broke down in floods of tears and said "I miss Mum!" This sadness lasted about 15 minutes and even after I stopped crying I felt alone, terrified and I kept saying in my head, why me?

As the evening wore on I began to get more tired and I did not think about Mum. My brother and I shared a room with two single beds side by side. My brother seemed unfazed about what we were doing here or that our Mum wasn't here with us. His 5 year old brain was so tired after a day of P1 he didn't have the energy to. After going to bed we were soon asleep and took the bus to school in the morning just like any normal day.

When your parents split up it sucks but it makes you a better person. In my view when I lived with just my Mum I began to learn to help her more and look after my belongings much more carefully. It has certainly helped in S1 that I am used to remembering uniforms, various sports kits and apparatus. I haven't forgotten a book yet, touch wood. These are some of the good points.

That is the positive side of it and you always have to look at the positive side as the bad side sometimes overrides it. When my Mum and Dad split I had two soft toys, "Peter" the rabbit and "bear" who was a bear. I remember taking them to school if I was staying with my Dad that night and praying that no-one would see them. This only happened once and I quickly told the inquisitive member of my class it was my brother's and he had no space in his bag. I was completely humiliated. Still, some days if I need to pack a huge bag of uniform and clothes for my Dad's I just sit down and cry, I feel so angry and hard done by. Why did this happen to me? Do I have to put up with this? Couldn't this happen to someone else? The only way I can stop this furious train of thoughts that threatens anyone who talks to me is to think of how many millions of people are going through so much more rubbish than me.

Another thing which infuriates me is when people say "Now boys, be good for your Mum because she's on her own". It's like people think I would not help my Mum. It is as if they think it is all my Dad's fault; many friends of the family have cut all links with my Dad as if he is a villain.

Lots of responsibility has come with this colossal change in our lives. I feel responsible for my Mum, Dad, Gran and brother. This is a big hindrance as I feel guilty about things that I should not bother myself with. One of the biggest advantages of living in two houses is getting away from one parent for a valuable night or two.

My life today is so different than it was four years ago. I have gone to the same school all my life and I always knew through all the rough times I had that I was going to a great school. My friends were also great; if I had had no friends during the rough patches it would have been much harder than it was. My Dad was on the verge of bankruptcy 4 years ago and he was also fighting with depression. Now he is enjoying a new life at a new office and has set up a brilliant support group for gay fathers in his spare time.

My Mum is also enjoying life much more as her life was nearly wrecked by the split and even though I said earlier I hate how everyone blames Dad, I can also say I can never really forgive him for the pain he caused me, my Mum and my brother. The one biggest mistake he made in life was one he never had to make. Most of this is behind me now and I want to concentrate on what I want to do and not dwell on the past. My life is brilliant and I cannot imagine it any other way. So I guess all this was worth going through after all.